Edinburgh , Scotland, 2019

Oh Scotland , sweet Scotland, I remembered you from my last trip when I was a kid and in this memory it was a world so cold ... lol
In fact , during this little trip it was quite sunny ! So enjoyable, there's something in the air when you leave France anyway ... I dunno but I think it's chill there.

I went with my boyfriend there (btw thanks again for the pics x) had some up and downs classic Lorna, but it'll last like a very smooth and tender memory in my mind.
Speaking of up and downs, I experienced again some sort of irrational lost today like I was dissociating again I think that was it. It's a very hard feeling. You feel empty at first, and you are convinced that people don't like you or that you entirely suck sorry but that's really what it feels like...
So in this case, I try to let myself rest, cause at first you are completely blocked like you cannot move. Standing still or sitting, then I realize that I'm not really "in control" of what's happening in my brain, previously  I was overwhelmed by lots of negative thoughts. Now, I think I'm doing better. Because I have the reflex of putting myself to bed or just lay my head somewhere. It's weird bc even though I'm not really here I think I have a sort of survivor gene in me the one who says "just let go it will go away". I try to avoid taking meds at this time, only if I realize i can take a bigger action (keep in mind that moving is still something difficult to do) and that I realize that my thoughts are behind my self control and I need it.
This time, I just laid my head down.

Even though, I'm in a better place than before I'm still struggling. Today in particular, I don't really know why.

Love,

Lorna